The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) Online Streaming

This oafish epic about the End of Days -- as predicted by the Mayan calendar -- operates in a dead zone roughly equidistant between parody and idiocy.. The third outing for a herd of toys that should have stayed in their boxes.. As you might expect with director Roland Emmerich, the movie isn't a patch on the trailer.. Frequently entertaining and sometimes lovely to look at.. This is fear-mongering, sentimental, horror show shtick, but it's also fairly competent, making 2012 a work of awful effi...

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Spy Kids (2001) Download Full

Just wacky enough and gadget-driven enough to appeal to bored kids looking for fresh energies.. Spy Kids may have its faults, but, for adults, it's far from a Mission: Unwatchable.. As drama, After Earth offers no surprises; as action, it's rarely stimulating; as a parenting manual, it seems that Will has thrown Jaden into water that's a little too deep.. A fine, relatively non-violent example of pure family entertainment.. It's just a somewhat mundane coming-of-age story with a terribly miscast...

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Robin Hood (2010) Download Full

There is a whole lot of meanwhile in this crowded, lumbering film.. If it's sword-on-sword with arrows-in-the-air action you want, Robin Hood delivers in a big way.. We never even get to see Robin steal from the rich and give to the poor. That's because the film is a prequel in search of a sequel. With any luck, we won't get one.. The film is pretty, and there are a few solid moments every hour. But considered as a work of cinema, with paid professionals involved, it's an extremely lackluster st...

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Last Knights (2015) Play Movie

This is an unrelentingly dour take on the fantasy genre, ditching the wizards, dragons and rampant nudity - aka, the fun stuff.. This thing is so garbled and goofy it plays like a parody. Except it's not.. As predictable as the wrap-up of one of D.W. Griffith's moralistic epics. What's surprising is how much Last Knights feels as if Griffith's ghost could have directed it.. By the end, the viewers of Japanese director Kazuaki Kiriya's low-budget Middle-Ages riff may end up wondering what they've...

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Superman Returns (2006) Full Movie Streaming

Superman Returns should swoop away with a big chunk of the summer box office, and deservedly so.. ... while I can't call it a home run, I'll say it's a solid base hit.. Superman, born in 1938, is still very much alive in 2006. The Man of Steel has so skillfully bent the bars of our imagination that he seems real to us. And in a sense, he is.. It's clear that Superman Returns wants to lay claim to being a true successor to the first film, not a sequel so much as a full-blooded offspring. But thes...

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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012) Full Movie Streaming

If anything, this series has gotten dumber and more inert as it has progressed, with this last one finally reaching over into an extended wallow in camp.. I'll probably never understand the popularity of the Twilight movies. They're haphazardly assembled adaptations of awful books.. While parting involved no sorrow, it was sweeter than expected.. As billion-dollar Hollywood franchises go, this is one of the drawn-out dumbest. The stake through the heart comes not a moment too soon.. With so many...

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Turbo Kid (2015) Play Movie

Brilliant. Epic. Haunting. Grotesque. Great.. The climactic chases, shootouts, and fistfights have been staged, filmed, and edited with insobriety. Visual clarity shouldn't be too much to ask from these movies, even if they fail to achieve ideological coherence.. If you have fond, 33-year-old memories of averting your young eyes from a propulsive parasite critter, Prometheus might just be your kind of return trip.. With a couple of elaborate action set pieces and some trippy, dreamlike sequences...

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